Well, in terms of planning I did one thing right!
I booked our Sunwing flight out of Hamilton (YHM) instead of Pearson (YYZ). This meant fewer crowds, lower noise levels and shorter lines. Also, as the Bean is g-tube fed, we arrived 3 hours early to ensure that we could get through security with 30 liquid meal pouches! Fortunately for us, the security dude happened to have a mother who is tube-fed (less fortunate for her I suppose)! This meant that he immediately understood why we were travelling with 30 liquid meal pouches (and empathized)! Once we’d cleared security, we proceeded to undertake the daunting task of entertaining the Bean in a teeny-tiny airport for the next three hours.
And...she did great! Well, overall. You know, with the Hubs and I taking turns walking and chasing her around the airport, reading her 3 favourite books 17 times each (okay, maybe it just seemed like 17 times each!), trying to get her interested (unsuccessfully) in the kids lounge and lifting her up to the windows to see the planes. We also played with a number of her sensory toys for a total of about 2 minutes each before she tired of those. All of that killed about 30 minutes (joking). Note: the pic with this post caught a rare still moment, one that was in no way representative of our three + hour wait in the airport lounge. Also, full disclosure, as I was the one taking the picture, you can't quite see the sweat trickling down my back as a result of chasing the Bean around the airport. Really though, she was fine for the 2 and a half hours that she was supposed to have to wait.
Anyhow, it was as if the Bean's internal clock knew exactly when we should have been boarding and, when that didn't happen on time, she proceeded to have a full-blown meltdown...or three, in a row! You know the kind I'm talking about, she threw herself on the floor of the airport, flailing limbs, screaming, crying, the whole nine! While I pride myself on really not caring what the general public thinks of us, on this particular day, I was keenly aware of the fact that everyone in the airport was praying to a God they may or may not believe in, that our little girl would NOT be on their flight. While I moved the Bean onto my lap so that her limbs would hit me instead of the concrete floor, whispered softly into her ear that mommy was there with her and took some deep breaths, exhaling gently onto her face, which she then imitated, I couldn't help but feel extremely annoyed that Sunwing hadn't even announced the delay! Just as I've learned that it helps the Bean immeasurably when we let her know what to expect, I've realized how important that is to me, as an adult. An announcement from the airline that boarding and (we later realized) arrival at our destination were delayed, would have gone a long way towards us being equipped to help our daughter cope with that delay.
Noting the rising noise level in the airport and starting to see the fluorescent lighting through the Bean's eyes, we decided to board the plane as soon as possible. We stood in the midst of the mob of passengers with small children, waiting to board. That is, until I realized that the mob waiting to board mostly didn't have small children or, in many cases, any children at all! Not prepared to fight my way to the front of the crowd in order to board with my small child in my arms, while balancing all of our carry-on luggage (hubs had disappeared at this point), I decided to ask if we could board with the passengers who needed additional time boarding. I approached the Sunwing attendant at the gate and explained that my daughter is autistic, was upset and that it would be very helpful if we could take extra time boarding the plane, so that i could get her seated and used to her surroundings. (Note: the Sunwing attendant had absolutely witnessed at least 1 of the Bean's 3 consecutive melt-downs prior to my making this request.) The attendant acted put out by my request and had to confer with her superior, who immediately said that we could board early. The attendant turned back to me, four year-old balanced on my hip, sweat now visible through my t-shirt and grudgingly granted us permission to board with the group that needed additional time. She made sure to point out though, that we would just be waiting on the other side of the cordoned-off area (this was like a mirage in the desert to us; only a handful of people, large windows and no harsh overhead lighting). After getting this employee (to agree to what at that point felt like tense negotiations, Hubs chose this moment to come hurtling toward the boarding gate and joined us. 'Gate Girl' then went out of her way to tell us that we could only board after the 'mobility' passengers. Got it. Finally, we walked out onto the tarmac, waiting in -5 degree weather, without our winter coats (didn't anticipate the whole tarmac trek) and waited for the other passengers to board. At this point, Gate Girl was standing between our family and the ramp to the plane, as if to physically block our access. I stepped around her to walk up the ramp, only to be rudely told that we had to wait until another Sunwing staffer came down the ramp with the wheelchair (that no one was waiting for at this point). The Bean was physically shivering from the cold at this point. Once the staff person was down the ramp, closer to the heated airport terminal, we were finally allowed access and boarded the plane.
Once the Bean was in her seat (a confined space), with low lighting and much less noise, she calmed down right away, which confirmed for me that my early boarding request had been exactly what our daughter needed. However, Gate Girl had really left a bad taste in my mouth. She'd made it clear that she didn't feel our circumstances warranted early boarding, even after I'd spelled out the Bean's diagnosis for her. As a Sunwing employee, she should have displayed polite and courteous behaviour, despite her personal feelings regarding when we boarded the plane and why. Yes, I should have requested advance boarding prior to the flight. I do pride myself on my advance planning skills (did ya read my last post?) and would have made that request had I thought we needed it. But here's the thing about autism: it isn't always predictable. As a parent or caregiver, it simply isn't possible to predict your kiddo's triggers, meltdowns and every reaction with 100% accuracy. Hubs and I have gotten pretty good at this and live in what is often referred to as a 'hyper-vigilant' state as a result. I absolutely refuse to feel bad about the fact that we were unable to predict this particular series of melt-downs, especially since the time we had to spend in the terminal was prolonged by an unannounced delay. It isn't easy for me to request accommodations or 'special treatment', as it was called when I was growing up. At the end of the day, Gate Girl had a mom (paying customer) with a four year-old (incidentally, also a paying customer) who was struggling, standing in front of her, clearly articulating a need, a reason for that need and basically, just asking for help. Gate Girl had two options. She could have taken that opportunity to help our family in that situation, treat us with some basic respect and make our day better than it was or, act like we were putting her out, treat us rudely and get our trip off to a bad start. Which option do you think will encourage repeat customers?
In stark contrast to SunWing, other airlines like American Airlines, Delta, JetBlue, Virgin Atlantic, and United offer air travel simulations for families of children with autism. Virgin Atlantic has devised a symbol that those with hidden disabilities can carry and display when in need of assistance during a flight and staff are trained in providing that assistance. Some airports and hotels have installed sensory rooms, many cruise lines and amusement parks have staff trained in basic autism-awareness to specialized training enabling them to work with children with autism. Many major attractions now offer sensory times, during which lights are dimmed and noise is kept to a minimum, some provide social stories and still others provide detailed sensory guides to their exhibits. The travel and tourism industry is advancing by leaps and bounds and the result is a more accessible world, not only for those with autism, but for folks with a wide range of developmental challenges and disabilities, physical disabilities and medical issues.
When I wrote to SunWing, expressing my dismay over the way we'd been treated, I received a form email in response. It stated that I could expect a reply in 30 days. That was AFTER I'd identified my concern as accessibility, mobility or disability-related! When I told hubs about the reply email, he said that if a reply to a complaint email takes 30 days, they must have alot of complaints!
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