The Bean’s Bubble

So Bean and I had a great time today!

We were playing ’soccer’, so basically kicking the ball back and forth outside. I would wind up, counting to three, coming just short of kicking the ball each time and that seemed to give the Bean enough time to process that the ball was coming her way. When I finally kicked the ball, she would kick it right back to me! I couldn’t believe it! That’s only one of the reasons that I view this time off with Bean as such a gift. I discover more reasons each day that our self-isolation continues. Of course, I don’t mean to say that I am in any way happy about the circumstances that have brought about this COVIDcation. I understand that people are suffering and I feel terrible about that. However, I can’t control any of that. All I can do is choose how to react. I have chosen to isolate myself and the Bean, to cut myself off from the news as much as possible and to enjoy this stolen time with my daughter. Because, the sad truth is that I just don’t get enough time with her. Ever. Weekends and the number of vacation weeks that I’m granted are simply not enough. It’s not enough time to see that my Bean can kick the ball back to me with a dexterity I didn’t know she possessed. It’s not enough time to discover that, when I ask her to pick something up, she will! Not enough time to ask her to hand me something and wait until she does! I didn’t know she could put coins in a piggy-bank or shapes in a shape-sorter. I didn’t know. But now I know and I am amazed by her recent accomplishments and so incredibly proud.

Today, since it was super-windy, I thought we’d test out the Hello Kitty kite, left over from BDay party loot bags from over 2 years ago. More than 2 years ago, you guys! I’m surprised the kite wasn’t expired! Anyways, wish I had a picture of our kite-flying adventure in the back yard this aft. You probably would’ve enjoyed seeing me run around our backyard in shorts, a t-shirt, a plaid shirt and my knee-high Hunters. I took great joy from watching the Bean track the kite, run away from it when it got too close (cuz, you know, social distancing and all; she doesn’t know where that kite’s been!) and laugh hysterically while spinning around in excitement. It felt so good to watch Bean delight in the magic of a kite (really did not intend to rhyme), without the nagging thought that we should be doing or, getting ready to do, something else. There we were, safe and protected inside of our little bubble.

Perhaps I should explain the ‘bubble’. The bubble is a magical, transparent, rainbow-hued world that the Bean and I inhabit on the regular (though we now frequent the bubble more than usual - thank you COVID)! It provides emotional security for all of its inhabitants and guarantees freedom from judgement for it’s eldest inhabitant’s parenting skills, decisions and tactics. For it’s youngest inhabitant, it has abolished the unrelenting judgement of any ‘behaviour’, accomplishments (or perceived lack thereof) and preferred stimming activities. In the bubble, hand flapping is fun and laughing until one of the inhabitants snorts is considered an achievement on par with a University graduation. In the bubble, inhabitants aren’t compared to their same-age, neurotypical peers, but valued simply for who they are, the funny faces they make and the amount of fun they generate.

In the bubble there are no dirty looks, stares or even side-long glances. There is no mumbling under one’s breath or comments directed to a passerby’s ‘peer’, but fully intended to be overheard. There is no name calling. In the bubble, inhabitants are not ’accepted’, ‘tolerated’ or ’included’ but actually valued for the simple fact of their very existence. It is a beautiful place, one that we’ve had the privilege of visiting regularly and one that, temporarily, we are fortunate enough to call home.